I took my shahada in 2010. I was 19. My stepdad and my brothers had already become Muslim, and I just followed the feeling.
A year later I wore hijab for the first time. Then I spent years working out what modesty actually meant to me.
Alone in it
From 2010 to 2015 I was a revert with no sisterhood. No Muslim friends I could ask the small questions. So I kept up appearances. I was deep in a fitness phase, always neat, face always on, while quietly struggling with a choice I'd made for Allah.
Then I heard about a pool day just for Muslim women. I was so excited. I'd never had anything like it. I turned up dressed like I was going to the beach. Shorts and all. A girl and her mum spent the swim whispering and looking at me. Nobody came over. Nobody told me that covering your awrah still matters around other women.
I didn't know. And after that, I stopped trying to make new friends.
I still loved Islam, so I kept going. Slowly, on my own, I found my way with my deen and modesty.
Then life got loud
I got married at 25 and became a mum at 26. My days were the house, the baby and whatever energy I had left. Usually not much.
My prayers started slipping. I had ADHD I didn't know about yet, and I'd lost track of who I was.
I'm the older sister and a perfectionist. I always figured it out. Eventually. So I didn't ask for help. I didn't know who was safe to tell, and I didn't want anyone thinking I couldn't manage the house, motherhood and salah.
The journal
In late 2022 I made myself a faith journal. Just for me. Something between me and Allah.
It helped more than I expected. The idea for The Deen Diaries came that November.
In January 2023 I shared it. The messages started coming in. “I really needed something like this.” “This is helping me stay connected with Allah.”
I wasn't the only one. So many of us were missing prayers, starting over and carrying it quietly, because nobody talks about it.
In February I wrote my first letter to myself in it:
“I am now 6 weeks into praying regularly rather than missing way too many at once! Alhamdulillah… I have felt very overwhelmed in my motherhood… I have felt sad and demotivated not being able to just get up and make wudu! So that is why I am both excited and scared to be praying daily and mostly on time, because I don't want to fall behind again!”
Why it's built the way it is
One of my first evening check-ins ended with this: “I didn't have a plan and that's where I fall behind. I feel more empowered to tackle the day when I have a plan, visually to check off each task.”
Every board, journal and page I make comes from my own slips. The missed prayers. The abandoned routines. The seasons that felt impossible.
Her Sacred Seasons is the sisterhood I needed at that pool.
That's why I'm building this for you. Tools that still work after a missed week, and sisters who'll notice when you go quiet. So when you fall off, you come back sooner, and you don't come back alone.
If you've ever felt judged when you needed help, or you're holding everything together so nobody sees you struggle, you're welcome here. Ask the question. Nobody here will whisper.
You bring the effort. Allah handles the outcome. 🌷